Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
