id be glad to
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
