I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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