ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
