I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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