someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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