What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
