if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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