I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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