Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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