I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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