But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
