I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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