I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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