The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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