shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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