Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
