Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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