I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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