I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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