twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize