he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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