just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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