think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
