i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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