a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Two words: nipple clamps
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