i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
