3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Someone shit on the floor
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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