ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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