just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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