Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
