you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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