i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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