Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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