Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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