so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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