just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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