Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
