I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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