dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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