No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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