Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
