2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
