I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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