woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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