Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
