Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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