im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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