I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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