Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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