I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
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Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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