Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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