Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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