I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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