finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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