Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
