you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
