It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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