Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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