I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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