it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
