When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
