just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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