Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
