he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
