he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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