Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
