Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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