I just threw up on my dentist
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
