I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
