First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
